


dreamlike; starry eyes

by starrkeys



Series: dreamlike; nightmare [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Falling In Love, Loneliness, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 03:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14179668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrkeys/pseuds/starrkeys
Summary: When Renjun's sad, he goes for walks. Eventually, he meets Jeno and Jaemin. His habits change.





	dreamlike; starry eyes

The walks started months ago. When things first started getting difficult. You know, in his brain. At first, he would wander aimlessly around his neighbourhood, but soon Renjun started talking the same route over and over and over again. It was just habitual. Every evening, take a walk. Walk the same path. Listen to the same songs on repeat.

It was an escape. A much needed escape from his own brain. When he was walking, Renjun wasn’t thinking. Or at least not in the same self-destructive cycles. His thoughts seemed to walk with him, allowing him to work through them or at the very least bear them for another day. Until the next evening and the next walk. It was a way to get through it all. The stress, from trying to be as good as he thought he needed to be and the despair from never quite reaching those goals. The disappointments, the hopelessness, the loneliness.

Walking was better than just sitting around and letting the thoughts overtake him. Much better. And anyway, when he walked he got to see them. Sometimes. He only say them infrequently but it was enough to think that maybe they had their habits too.

He’d first noticed them, the two boys, after weeks of already walking the same route. He thought maybe he’d seen them before but just hadn’t remembered. It was hard to remember people you didn’t know and didn’t realize you would ever see again. But eventually he became aware that he’d seen them before.

They were about his age, probably. He’d never gotten close enough to properly see them up close, but that didn’t stop him from wondering about them. They were in love; he could tell that even from the distance he always kept, even with most of the park between them, even with the way he wouldn’t allow himself to stare.

The first time he remembered them properly, it was springtime and the evenings were lighter than they ever had been before, since he’d started walking so habitually. He’d heard their laughter first, as he’d turned to cut through the park on the way home again. He’d heard them laughing as the song he was listening to drifted out before it began to start again. What would’ve happened if the song hadn’t finished just as it had, allowing him to hear? He probably would have just noticed them some other time.

The two boys—running, laughing, dancing. Together, always together. There was something beautiful about them. Arresting. It was so hard for Renjun to look away. They were magnetic, pulling each other together. They were never too far apart, colliding to hold hands, hug, hold on. Together, together, together.

Eventually, when he would think of love, he began to think of them.

*

In the end, it wasn’t even in the park that Renjun first saw them up close. He’d left the park a little bit sad that they hadn’t been there that night but still content. He was almost done his walk. He had never considered seeing them anywhere other than where he always saw them. It had never even crossed his mind.

Until he turned a corner, and there they were crossing the street, coming toward him. At first, his instinct was to panic. But that was stupid. They were strangers and probably had no idea who he was. They were always wrapped up in each other when he crossed their paths.

Still, Renjun focused on his shoes as they approached. He dared to glance up only once, just as they were passing by. To his surprise, he locked eyes with the smiley one, the darker-haired one. His smile was even more dazzling up close.

*

It was just a few days later when Renjun broke his habit. During his walk, he stopped. He found a place to sit in the park and just…allowed himself to exist as the sun set and the light dimmed. He watched the people go by as the wind made the trees dance and life continued all around him.

Eventually, he got up to go home, realizing that he was cold. Time had seemed to slow and maybe even pause. He had never wanted to leave. But the cold in his bones was proof that time was passing and he walked home quickly, ready to be back indoors and warm up. It was like waking from a dream.

*

One day in the afternoon, Renjun took a break from studying and went to a coffee shop. And like all great love stories, that’s where it began. As soon as he entered the small shop, there they were. The both of them. On a date? On a date.

He wasn’t listening to music. Not this time. There was nothing to obstruct his hearing, not the wind or an entire park between them. Their laughter sounded like music. They looked beautiful. Happy. Renjun would have gladly spent the afternoon watching, sketching, immortalizing them and the way they looked at each other.

Instead, after he ordered, he was waved over and greeted. Their names were Jeno and Jaemin and they had noticed him too. What was he doing out walking, all those nights alone? Did he live in the neighbourhood? How had they never met each other before? Renjun was pulled into their magnetism easily, like he’d always been there too.

And as all good love stories go, it continued from there. With phone numbers exchanged, and walks now in the company of three. With late night conversations and the sharing of secrets and with kisses.

When Renjun’s brain would go down all the old dark paths, he still sometimes needed to walk to let the thoughts go. But now if he didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t have to be. Perhaps he’d just needed to be seen and heard. Known. He was now.

**Author's Note:**

> the product of being sad and listening to dream in a dream on repeat. so sorry for that.


End file.
